The Jellies Turn 1

The Jellies Turn 1

Alanna.

My first born.  So determined, so focused.  You have always known exactly what you want out of life.  When you were born it was frustrating, because I could never move fast enough for you.  As I watch you learn and grow, it is fascinating, because you don’t let anything stop you from elevating and learning something new.  From the moment you came shrieking into the world and the entire room of 20+ people yelled out “woah,” I should have known you were going to be a firecracker.  We have been through so much and you have not cut me much slack, Lanna!  Both of our hair fell out around April and I was devastated.  A little for myself and a lot for you, but you didn’t care less.  I found that neither of our aesthetics mattered to the other, so who cared if it mattered to the world?  I learned from you through that and it has helped me strip away a lot of society’s opinions of beauty.  You were the most beautiful baldheaded baby I’ve ever seen and I wouldn’t trade that experience for the world.  I love how smiling at you makes you break out into a huge toothy grin and how you cling to me.  You love your Dad fiercely and you find your Sissy nice to have around, but for the most part, I am everything to you.  I don’t take that honor lightly.  I am constantly reminded to stop moving and pick you up and relish your love.  Thank you for all that you have given me this year, Lanna boo.

Julia.

My tiny ball of love.  From the beginning you have always been easy going.  You were created far more patient then your sister and for that I am so grateful!  You have had to wait your turn more than any baby should have to, but you do it with grace.  You have my love for Music in your blood, from the start, you would dance when you hear any music.  Doesn’t matter the genre, just like me.  If it moves you, it moves you.  Lately, I feel as though you have been finding your voice and that’s good. You are my smallest, but by far the most talkative.  You are so much like your Dad in temperament, relaxed and laid back, but you have my smart mouth.  You fuss at me after I tell you to stop or take something away, and you can barely talk!  I can’t do anything but laugh, lol.  You are my just desserts in that way!  You are a tiny ball of energy, before you were born, you used to kick me constantly way more than your sister.  Now when you see me coming in after a long day you shriek and kick and it makes everything I’ve been through that day fade away.  You are so sweet and lovable.  Selective in who you will entrust with your smile, but so generous with your love once someone gains your trust.  That same quiet shyness like your Dad, but such a bubbly personality once you open up.  I’ll never forget the night I woke up to you having a 105 temperature and I tried not to panic as I gave you medicine, threw you into a warm bath and prayed fiercely for you.  I was reminded then that you are and always be a gift that can be taken from me and it is my responsibility to do whatever I can to take the very best care of you even when I feel terrified and unequipped.  Thank you for showing me how to be more patient and caring, Julz.

To both my Jellies.

I love your Dad so much more watching him with you two.  He is an amazing Dad.  I thought I chose him because he was perfect for me, but it may just have been that he was perfect for all of us.  The fact that he willingly takes care of you two for 7+ hours a day is legendary.  You two don’t know just how divergent that is.  For that I will always be grateful.  One of my biggest fears in becoming a mother was leaving my newborn with a stranger to go back to work.  So imagine how that fear grew when I had two.  Leaving you in the capable hands of your father made my transition back to work a trillion times easier.  I know that was nothing more than God’s favor.  He has also stopped me from being a super intense worry wort.  For all the times that I came to him with some irrational fear, he has either talked me down, or dismissed it so swiftly that I was able to see the forest for the trees.  His ability to calm me is beneficial to me, but also to you both, because it allows me to be a more relaxed Mama to you.

Loving you two makes me a better person.  I had some ideas of what motherhood would be like before I had kids and for the most part I was all wrong, lol!  This has been by far the hardest year of my life.  Having twins is all fun and cute until you have two newborns screaming in your face for two different reasons (both you may or may not know) and you have to decide who to help first.  I found strength in myself, I wasn’t aware I had.  So for every day I forgot to brush my teeth, or slept 1 1/2 hours that night, or didn’t eat anything, you guys had everything you needed and I am proud to be able to be who you need me to be.  I remember being in that operating room: scared, dazed, nervous, anxious, waiting for you both.  The moment you two were placed on my chest, I felt such unspeakable joy.  Everything fell away.  I felt a serenity that I had never experience before and I felt like God loved me more than He ever had in that moment.  I often wonder what I did to deserve you two.  You are collectively my greatest gifts and I still look at you and feel a burst of love and joy and thankfulness that God chose me to be your Mama!  Happy First Birthday Girls, thank you for being unequivocally you.  Do not ever change.

4 thoughts on “The Jellies Turn 1

    1. Bridget that was simply beautiful when they get older give them both a copy of this to keep.Simply beautiful one year reflections. Thanks for sharing.

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